By Chris Pollay
The Philadelphia Phils recently attempted to bolster its pitching rotation by signing three-time Cy Young winner Pedro Martinez. In other news, they also hope to sign Cy Young and Satchel Paige.
Not only is it a risky maneuver, it is a potentially expensive one, as well. The one-year contract will cost them a cool million... and there were several unreported bonuses that sweetened the deal, as well.
Apparently, Pedro agreed to be a Philly only if the team would guarantee a “comfortable rocking chair” during home games. He also requires special travel arrangements. He plans to arrive at road games via the same mode of travel he enjoyed as a young boy: the horse and buggy.
I kid. I kid. I wouldn’t say Pedro Martinez is old... but when he and new teammate Jamie Moyer start discussing the economic recession, they mean the one that occurred during “The Champ’s” term. (That’s Franklin D. Roosevelt for anyone under 90.)
I wouldn’t say Pedro is old... but he has pitched for 17 seasons and 2,782 innings! He has also tabulated over 3,100 strikeouts and issued 752 walks. By now, he certainly must be on the waiting list for a second bionic arm.
I wouldn’t say that Pedro is old... but his $1 million contract today would be worth the equivalent of $5,325,753.09 during the year of his birth (1971). You know how much butter churning supplies a person can buy with that kind of cabbage?
I wouldn’t say Pedro is old... but his idea of “juicing up” means drinking a gallon of Metamucil.
I wouldn’t say Pedro is old... but he might still believe that the commissioner of baseball is Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis.
I wouldn’t say Pedro is old... but he doesn’t believe in scouting reports. After all, he already knows how to pitch to Garvey, Schmidt, Rose and Brett.
I wouldn’t say Pedro is old... but he once pitched for the Boston Red Stockings, the Brooklyn Dodgers, the Montreal Expos and the New York Metropolitans.
I wouldn’t say Pedro is old... but he won his first Cy Young award the year Titanic was released. I’m talking about the ship, not the movie.
But, most importantly: I wouldn’t say Pedro is old... if the Phillies win the World Series again this year.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
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This article cracked me up. I thought it was very creative and I really liked the "I wouldn't say Pedro is old" concept. Hopefully he doesn't look to old when he goes out there on the mound because he could be a pleasant surprise for the phillies. I feel that he could either do really well, or really poorly. Hopefully its the first one!
ReplyDeleteI always like Pedro even when he played for teams I didn't care for. He's a character. He's got a lot of heart, too, but I'm hoping there's a lot left in his arm. I'm glad the Phils picked him up. I think it will pay dividends, especially in the playoffs, but it may take a while for him to prove it was a wise choice.
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