The Brotherhood of Chlorophyll Facials

By now you know the story of last night’s installment of “The 9 Stooges Play Baseball.” The abundance of lowlight reel additions during the 4th inning alone would be enough to give any fan reason to pull out their hair longer than Fernando Martinez will be pulling grass from his teeth after his inability to put one cleat in front of the other. How appropriately symbolic for an entire club that’s fallen flat on its face all over the field.

For weeks, the cry in Queens has been centered around the abundance of injuries this team has had to overcome, but in reviewing the gaffes that have really cost games, it’s largely been a bunch of veterans who have been to blame: Church (missing 3rd base), Castillo (4-legged base running and the pop up), K-Rod (Mariano’s walk), Santana (Yankees meltdown and overthrowing Wright yesterday), and let’s not forget the manager (among others, how do you even throw one pitch to Jeter with the pitcher due up?). That, in itself, counts 6 game changers. Think about what reversing even just half of them would mean to the standings right now.

It’s one thing to be bruised, it’s another to offer yourself for tattooing. Bruises heal, the impression of a tattoo lasts forever no matter what you do to remove it. 2007 and 2008 have left their mark, and this 2009 team has already tattooed itself, with the remaining veterans being the ones spilling the ink and creating this brotherhood’s legacy. Sure, players of every age have caused oodles of other errors, miscues, and mental hernias that have contributed to too many losing efforts, but this is precisely the time when veterans need to take the reins and bully the team through its hardships. Not in the dugout, not in the clubhouse, not in the media. On the field. The only place it actually counts is on the field, measured by how many times you cross the plate (although judging by the LOBs you’d believe someone thinks you get a few bonus points for the other 3 bases).

That said, all the leading by example can’t make a fundamentally flawed team sprout fundamentals. Even in its best incarnation, before being decimated by medical issues, this had not appeared to be a team that would dominate. If they’re going to be serious about making a run for the NL East or Wild Card this season, the Mets need a cavalry greater than what they may have returning "sometime after the All Star break." I’m not for selling the future haphazardly, but the core of this team needs to be denser. If they want seats in the post season that don’t come from StubHub, Omar Minaya can’t afford to let this team drown in preventable losses and Jerry needs to do more than preside over 28 minute hugfests.

The bugles need to sound soon, or when they finally do they may be playing taps.